Volleyball and Fire Trucks

Today, middle child discovered a lovely red box with a white lever on the inside. Quite naturally, he looked to see if I was watching him (I was) and if my friend was watching him (she was), and then pulled the lever.

I shrieked out a NO, but it was too late. It was too late to stop the inevitable sound of the fire alarm going off.

Yes. Middle child pulled the fire alarm today. At the gym. When it was full of people. People swimming, people lifting weights, people with their children, and people playing volleyball. All these people had to stop what they were doing, and maybe some of them had limited time, and leave the building. All these people had to stand outside, wait for the fire department to show up, and assess the building with full "battle gear" on.

I. Was. Mortified. And that puts in mildly. I was in tears. The embarrassment I felt over this little episode is like nothing I have ever experienced. How did he reach this magical lever, you ask? Well, we were there to cheer on The Captain's volleyball team. There is a big sporting competition going on right now, and today was volleyball day. There were bleachers pushed up against the wall to accommodate for the surge in people on the gym floor... at the PERFECT height to reach the magical lever. Really, how could he NOT pull it, right? He is two.

....

I get to go to bed early. I already decided. The Captain doesn't know it yet, but I am done child rearing for the day. He can finish out the day when he gets home.

Staying at Home

I will be the first to admit that when I first tossed out the idea of becoming a stay at home mother, I didn't think it would be all that hard. Like, come on... it's just a baby. I'll play dress up, and take naps, and cook delicious food... Such a lovely thought.

Now, don't get me wrong. I definitely played dress up with the girl child when she was a baby - such fun to dress up a baby girl. And yeah, we took naps... together. Oh, but I didn't know how to cook. It was A LOT of trial and error, mostly error, before I could cook decently. There were lots of other things I discovered I had to do, because I stayed at home and "had the time". Here is a list of things I "had" to do when I just had one child:

wash the laundry
fold the laundry
put away the laundry
pick up dog poop
throw away dog poop and put it inside a plastic bag, double bag so the bears don't get into the trash can        (we lived in Alaska when girl child was a baby)
shovel the driveway, and the side walk
walk the dog
run with the dog
teach girl child to eat
teach girl child to crawl
teach girl child to walk
teach girl child to talk
teach girl child to eat with spoon and fork
teach girl child ABC's, 123's, colors, shapes, and animals
teach girl child manners
teach girl child how to wipe her butt
go to the gym
loose weight
eat healthier
sweep the house
mop the house
scrub the toilets
change all the bed linens
dust the house
sanitize the kitchen, because kitchens are gross
go to FRG meetings, pretend to be warm and sweet
make real friends
make fake friends
read for fun
read to girl child
drive to the store and shop for food, for fun and because I am bored


I don't think that actually does it all justice... there are pressures, placed upon me by myself and by society, that are hard to articulate. Many people, mostly other women, that work and manage a household, will and have scoffed at me when I was having a hard time. The difference between a person that works full time, outside of the house, and a person that stays home full time is the expectation. For someone that works outside the home, and has children, it seems to be more acceptable for those people to have a bit of a messier life. If you stay home, and everything isn't exactly perfect, people wonder why you are having such a hard time... "it's not like you work".

I want to say, fuck you.

Last night, middlest was up at 1:00, 3:00, and then 5:00 just because... he refused to take a nap today, even though he was obviously tired. He did fall asleep for twenty minutes during a car ride, and woke up screaming because he thought there was a "yuck bug". He demanded dinner a full thirty minutes earlier than normal and screamed until it was finished being cooked. If I went to work outside the house, you want to know what would have happened? Someone else would have dealt with his insanity all day long. Instead, I have the truly amazing, spectacular, grand opportunity, to raise him myself and deal with his insanity. I love this kid, these kids, and I would not trade this time with them for anything. What I do need is for people to stop thinking I don't do anything.

On a slow day, I am a nurse, a chauffeur, an artist, a chef, a laundromat, a typist, a dog walker, a fitness buff, a blogger, a baby wearing, cloth diapering, waiting for daddy to come home, All Star. You don't get to judge me, because I stay at home with these delightful children I created. You don't get to judge me because of how many delightful children we chose to create. You don't get to judge me ever, ever, EVER because you don't know me.

  

Century Link is Terrible

Dear Century Link Internet Provider for Idiots,

Hi. I am one of the idiots that pays you a ridiculous amount of money for internet that is spotty at best. You won't ever read this, because let's face it... you are a giant corporation, and you will continue to dick us over, because what other choice do we have? Seriously. In my neighborhood, you are the only one with lines into us all - the other providers have to use satellite dishes. Satellite internet is the tech world's lazy solution to get people internet in places where monopolies exist.

I freaking hate you, Century Link. Like, if you were an actual person, and you were on fire, I might, kind of, sort of, actually just walk right by. I mean, I would totally let someone else know you were on fire, but I personally would do nothing about it. I would not go out of my way to help you not be on fire, because you are kind of, definitely an utter asshat. For realz, yes that Z is on purpose, what is the problem here? In 2015, I long for the days of my dial up internet, because at least we knew that is was going to be slow. You know?

My bandwidth is almost like my sanity at the end of the day. I made this really silly, and utterly amazing, choice to stay at home and raise our children. Two of them happen to be under two, preemies, and not going to daycare. They are with me all the time. Pooping their pants, screaming nonsense at me, and demanding all my love and attention. Then I pick up my one and only girl child from school, and then I have three lovely tiny humans wanting all of my love. Frankly, it's exhausting. They go to bed, and I want to zone out to Game of Thrones, Gotham, or Grey's Anatomy. You want to know what, you fucks? Those apps don't work, because the fucking shitty internet tanks at night. TANKS. NOSE DIVE. I am 100% fine with have no internet all day. Like, can you save all my bandwidth from the daytime, and let me use it at night?

I am not really sure how to end this rant. Probably like I end all of my rants to you, which I am sure you didn't read. In case you are interested in reading them, please see your Facebook page, and look within each post of the last year. So here it goes.

Fix my internet. Fix my internet. Fix my internet. FIX. MY. INTERNET. FIX IT!!!!